psychoshenanigans | GRATIA // PSL

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GRATIA // PSL

The first thing he feels is the cold.

It permeates everything down here on the lower levels. What little warmth humans have made for themselves is greedily gobbled up by the stone walls that surround them on all sides. Despite the stirring of people in the streets, in their homes, and around corners, this place feels like a grave. A similar sense seems to loom over the heads of most who make their way through this deep, dark part of the world, hovering around them like a cloud of inevitability. No one has been outright sentenced to death, but they may as well be.

Upon waking, Tek will have found himself in a dark, wet alleyway. Attempts to orient himself reveal that he has been brought, somehow, to an impressively large network of tunnels that all lead, more or less, to three or four larger chambers. There is far more vibrant life above him somewhere, far, far above the layer of caves he's in now, and there is also a very deep, sluggish form of life somewhere far below his feet.

No one is coming to get him. No one follows him in his immediate vicinity--the few stragglers hanging around doorsteps and windows don't give him a second glance, or even a first one. The place is crowded, but not busy. Everyone keeps their heads down. The people are all dressed poorly, in rags and robes and bundles that suggest a certain level of consistent poverty all throughout the level. The buildings in these tunnels look man-made, either built from scrap or carved straight out of the rock of the cave, but the majority of the actual roads and cave walls seem to have been formed with very little help from human hands.

The place is lit with lanterns and dirty-looking florescents suspended high above in the cave ceiling. The air is thick and stuffy, the smell of mold and mud prevalent over even the smell of human stagnation. It would not be hard to drag someone off, and he gets the immediate feeling that if he did, it's unlikely that anyone would come looking for them.

What does he do?

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[to the average observer, a thank-you might have seemed strange at this point in the conversation. but, it makes sense to Tek, and seems to lighten something about him in the same way it does for Tonic.

half of the reason he'd decided to take the risk and try to say anything at all about what was on his mind was the fact that he trusted Tonic to know what to do with it, or at least know how to be careful in reacting to it. a little careful and gracious handling goes a long way.

and with that, things seem to be a little more clear between them. as they've done with each of their meetings so far, some groundwork has been laid out.

so, Tek is able to match the smile and let his mind shift to a new subject--one that he is far more confident in.]

In that case--flowers or food?

[Tonic knows this game very well, and he and Tek have already gone through the steps a few times over. he learned very quickly not to take shots that aren't necessary, and he has no reason to linger when they've both given equal effort towards being honest. they've both cleared up the things that were causing their discomfort, and may now continue along on an even playing field.

it frees Tonic up enough to laugh, pressing his beautifully-lacquered nails to his chest dramatically.]

My two favorite things? How could you make me choose, darling?

[the real question is, would he feel better or worse with food in his stomach? and what does "flowers" entail, anyway? he also has to tally up the approximate worth of all of these things, because he wants to get the absolute most out of this literal once-in-a-lifetime opportunity as possible.]

Mm, but if I'm to be a true tourist, I think that food is the place to start.

[he remembers saying something like that to Tek, when he showed him around the party that first night they met--no matter who you're leading around, you can't go wrong with food.]

[suddenly having enough social room to breathe again does make him a little giddy, so it's easy to giggle along with Tonic when he plays up the drama.]

Are they your favorite things? I had no idea.

[it's almost as if he has spent time getting to know his friend well enough to be able to choose the two things that would cause him the most effort in the world to choose between. theoretically, it will help keep his mind off of anything that might still be bothering him or causing him anxiety, and will have the biggest payoff at the end.]

Excellent choice. And the walk there is a little longer than the other one, but you'll get to see more of the town.

[if there's no objection, he'll set off for the main street heading away from the square, comfortably arm-in-arm with his date.]

[one advantage of their momentary misunderstanding is that Tonic has now had quite a bit of time to acclimate to the upstairs world... so while he is still hesitant to raise his eyes much higher than the roofs of houses, he seems to be walking without any difficulty, and he's getting better and better at looking around without any involuntary lurching.]

Well, I think that will be worth it all on its own. It doesn't look how I remember it...

[that's another thought that was following him around earlier. and now that they've opened themselves up to this kind of thing a little, he feels it is an appropriate time to mention his first visit. he snugs himself cutely up against Tek's shoulder, idly eyeing his surroundings as they go.]

But I was maybe... fourteen, fifteen. I guess it shouldn't be surprising.

[Tek is more than happy to have an interesting topic of conversation to busy himself with, while a beautiful boy is snuggled up to his side. in the wake of the tension they've just left behind, it all feels extra idyllic.

and as much as he loves teasing the other with his own secrets, it is nice to learn something about Tonic instead of it being the other way around all the time.]

That long ago? How much has changed? [opening the topic up to more than just the answers to these particular questions, of course.]

Oh, well, you know.

[Tonic waves his free hand a little.]

Busier. Louder. Half as many legs.

[he snickers at his own joke, of course, as he usually does when it comes to humor regarding his lack of limbs. he has a more serious answer a moment later, though his whole demeanor seems to have opened up, and he sounds a lot more relaxed than he had during his serious moments before.]

I think that the buildings are a lot more crowded than they used to be. Taller, too. I wonder how much they've cut into the forest since I was here last...

[as far as stupid jokes go, that was a pretty good one. it at least gets a morbid smirk out of him. and the rest is listened to with easy curiosity, while he lets Tonic observe the world around them and he pays more attention to his immediate space. enjoying the companionable closeness where they're bumped up next to each other, stealing glances of his friend now that they're out in stark daylight. checking in with himself now that they've left the previous vulnerabilities behind.

when he adds his own idle thoughts to the conversation, he keeps his voice pleasant and as far from serious or wistful as he can. he's sure they can talk about the past without falling into melancholy--at least for a little while.]

I wouldn't know. But there was a little village near where I grew up... and I was always shocked at how quickly it managed to grow when I wasn't looking.

[ah, this isn't a bad turn of conversation at all. he likes hearing about snippets of Tek's past. it helps him fill in any of his mysterious present.]

Maybe it happens everywhere, then.

[that makes him smile a little, knowing that his experience isn't singular.]

The people still look the way I remember them, though. Quaint and oblivious. [he shades his eyes a little, daring to glance back up at the clouds that are gathering on the horizon.] Maybe the sun makes them soft.

[...well, he'd tried to steer clear of dipping into anything weighty or dark for all of five minutes. it was only a matter of time, really. the temptation to follow Tonic down this avenue is far too great,

he quickly gives up, and he scoffs a little.]

Actually, the opposite is more commonly the case. You'll more often hear people talk about how living and working under the sun will burn and harden a person, and that living in the shade is the easy life. So, it's hardly the fault of the sun.

[he's more suited for this sort of conversation, in all honesty. he nods accusingly toward a woman overloaded with shopping bags and warm, freshly-wrapped loaves from the nearby bakery.]

It's abundance that makes them soft.

[Tonic makes a sound of agreement. as far as he's concerned, the mood is still lightened--especially after hearing his rich, well-traveled friend get right to the heart of the matter. he's always had a hunch that Tek knows more about suffering than he lets on, and his this only encourages that line of thinking.]

See, the thing that bothers me is that those with abundance down below are still very aware that they have much more than the other people around them. For the most part, anyway. You'll occasionally get a spoiled brat or a stuffy dignitary, but...

[he gestures again to the world at large, their houses, their gardens, their paved streets and sunlight and access to whatever food they need.]

Up here, it's almost as though people like me don't exist here. It's a whole other world.

Mm... [he nods, acknowledging Tonic's very valid point, and casually rolls into elaborating on it to support his own point.]

Very true. And it's still because of abundance. These people are rich in the most valuable resource of all... which is freedom.

[the two beautiful, pale specters continue their way down the street, and Tek motions to some tanned, rosy-cheeked stranger at random.]

You can have all the titles and wealth in the world, but if you're still trapped, what does it matter? Up here, even the lowliest citizen has more power than you if they're free to move, make decisions about their lives, and forget that you exist.

[the tale still fits his own story, even if it's mostly a fabricated one. the tragedy of a boy born into objective privilege, but still trapped in the confines forced upon him at birth.]

[this sort of talk should be very depressing. it's the kind of thing that would normally put Tonic into a bitter mood, were he down in his little hole in the ground, cursing the world above. but he's up here right now, walking among them, which makes him feel as though he has somehow--against all odds--tricked them.

he gives the other's arm an affectionate squeeze.] Freedom, hm? It must be nice.

[he gives a somewhat-dramatic sigh and rolls his head to rest on the other's shoulder again while they walk.]

Babe, you never explained to me what that thing was you were talking about.

[it's an objectively depressing subject, but it's also an immensely satisfying one to talk about. so, even though it's one that will bother him to the end of his days, just being able to voice the words out loud to someone who agrees does manage to put a smile on his face.

when Tonic leans on him and nudges the conversation somewhere else, Tek doesn't put the subject away entirely, but he does set it on a shelf for later. they have all day to share their spite about the carefree world that they're currently taking advantage of.]

Hmm? ...Oh, the ocean? You've really never heard of it? [he'll start with the basics, to see if it's just a misunderstanding and Tonic really does recognize it.] Giant body of salt water beyond the land--the kind that is so big that you can't see the opposite shore.

[Tonic has not entirely abandoned their previous topic of conversation either, but he was very curious about this "ocean" that Tek mentioned. it's pretty obvious that the concept is foreign to him, with the way he swivels his head to look directly at the other before they've even had much chance to describe it.]

Honestly, it's hard to even imagine... Why would it be salty?

[hopefully their conversation earlier prepared Tek for more silly questions, because Tonic seems to be asking this one honestly.]

[yes, he had prepared himself for this one. this time, there's only a small pause to adjust to the idea of someone having no idea what he's talking about before he continues.]

Because there are two types of water--salt water and fresh water. Fresh water comes from lakes and rivers and falls from the sky, and the salt water is out in the oceans. Imagine water in every direction for uncountable miles, but deadly to drink.

[simple as that. what more is there to know? and just as offhandedly, he nods to a beautiful little establishment coming up on their left. a quaint little cafe, but what sets it apart from all the others is the amount of flowers in the windowboxes and little garden spaces out front, and teeming over the edges of the high walls of a courtyard attached to the side of it. the place has a definite theme and the owners are obviously milking it for all its worth, cultivating a veritable museum of flowers to draw in passersby. the outside of the building is beautiful, but the half-hidden garden beyond the walls is the real prize, teasing potential customers with the plants perched on and overflowing over the top of the fence.]

...That had been your other option, by the way.

[he supposes that the idea of a naturally-occurring body of salty water isn't the strangest thing he's ever heard of. the size of it is pretty hard to wrap his mind around, though, and it's clear as he bites at his lower lip that he's tabulating more questions with scientific precision.

...until the cafe is pointed out to him. that steals the entirety of his attention. has Tek ever felt someone's anxiety spike over the idea of passing up a bunch of flowers? because he certainly has now, as Tonic starts to slow and his pace and stare intensely at the overflowing garden in front of them.]

Sweetheart. [he says, a flat accusation.] How could you do this to me.

[oh, he chuckles. and it probably would have been far kinder to continue politely leading Tonic along, but Tek slows down right along with him, letting him stew in the conflict.]

Which part--offering up the place in the first place, or pointing it out as we're passing it by?

[both are cruel, of course, but he does not say this out-loud. the first part of that question was close enough to a warning that he doesn't want to push his luck. instead, he continues to bite at his lip, nearly slowing to a stop.]

These are just... here, and we're going to walk past them?

[he indicates the entire cafe with a sweeping gesture.]

This is... There's so many...

[it almost seems like a crime. what do they need so many flowers for?]

You can change your mind, you know. They do serve food there...

[he's absolutely offering the suggestion to make Tonic's life more difficult and not out of some kindness. he is loving this miniature torture. he tries so hard to be nice around Tonic all the time, it's wonderful to have a way to cause a small, non-destructive amount of chaos with him.]

[the turmoil is strong. he's already starting to fidget with Tek's sleeves, to keep from crawling out of his own skin... if it wasn't for the almost sickly-sweet smell and the overwhelming number of plants he already doesn't recognize, he would have caved and demanded they go there immediately.

but as it is, he turns back to the cheery establishment, giving it a disdainful (if not lopsided) frown.]

Mm, no. I would be furious the entire time.

[and then, with a huff and a toss of his head, he starts to pull Tek back along in the direction they had been going.]

But if you ever wanted to kill the owner and take the shop over, that's an outing I could get behind.

[he smiles again, to indicate that he is probably joking.]

[and Tek laughs! which also means he is probably joking.]

Fair enough. And to be fair, I'm sure there will be flowers almost anywhere we go up here, so you won't be entirely deprived.

[Tonic won't have to coax Tek forward for long before he takes charge again, leading them a few blocks farther down to the little lane that will take them to their actual destination--a building that is rather low and dark compared to its neighbors. there aren't as many airy windows or charming decorations, but the emanating smell of expertly-grilled meat more than makes up for it. delicious smoke and steam from several chimneys poking out of the top of the building, and some open-air grilling arrangement behind it, do all of the advertising that this little place needs.]

[and if Tonic had any lingering poor mood after leaving the flower shop, the smell of food is one of the few things that could get it off of his mind. true to what he had said, his eyes (even the weird one) seem to light up when they get closer, and he is more than happy to accept this as a trade.

he is also more than happy to let his friend be the guide here, happily playing along as Tek's charming, effeminate date.]

[and Tek very much enjoys taking the lead. he may have only been here once before, but he's very good at pretending to be the expert. he'd greedily absorbed as many details of this place as possible when Robin had first treated him to it, so he's able to stroll in and tour Tonic through the features and highlights of the menu like a regular.

the fun of this place, he explains, is that it takes all of the preposterously-fresh foodstuffs of the region, skewers them together, dresses them up with various local spices, and roasts them over a fire. lots of options, lots of opportunity to sample many different things at once. everything tastes like sun and earth and fire. and Tek already knows that Tonic doesn't mind smelling like smoke.

the interior is dark and comfortable, with the sounds of sizzling and clinking glassware enough to make conversation seem at least partially private. they can settle and eat and chat for as long as they'd like.]

[and while Tonic had been almost infuriated with the beauty of the flower cafe... it's hard for him to hide just how pleased he is with the inside of their destination. he's been in expensive places before, high-society stops, mansions, fancy restaurants and the like, but this... he actually likes it here.

so he's polite and cute whenever anyone comes near their table, but very comfortable sinking into mischievous talk and bizarre questions while they try as many kinds of meats as he feels he can get away with. he's outright surprised by how good a few of them are, and on more than one occasion, he sighs wistfully and remarks that he will never be happy with regular food ever again.

but he laughs easily, smiles, has a good time simply watching people. he has no real regrets about his choice.]

[Tek made sure to seat them away from the bright glare of the windows, but near enough that Tonic can still gaze outside at the shifting morning sun should he decide to do so. a constant reminder that they aren't underground goes well with the parade of roasted meats, vegetables, and cheeses (from actual grass-eating mammals!)

and Tek can't really explain that it's places like this where he feels the most at home. not really. he can't tell him too much about the villages at the edge of the wilderness, cooking up what they gather out in the sun and serving it in the comfortable shaded places. he wonders if it carries through anyway, though. Tonic showed him around his world like this when they first met, and this is the closest that Tek can get to directly paying that back.]

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