psychoshenanigans | GRATIA // PSL

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GRATIA // PSL

The first thing he feels is the cold.

It permeates everything down here on the lower levels. What little warmth humans have made for themselves is greedily gobbled up by the stone walls that surround them on all sides. Despite the stirring of people in the streets, in their homes, and around corners, this place feels like a grave. A similar sense seems to loom over the heads of most who make their way through this deep, dark part of the world, hovering around them like a cloud of inevitability. No one has been outright sentenced to death, but they may as well be.

Upon waking, Tek will have found himself in a dark, wet alleyway. Attempts to orient himself reveal that he has been brought, somehow, to an impressively large network of tunnels that all lead, more or less, to three or four larger chambers. There is far more vibrant life above him somewhere, far, far above the layer of caves he's in now, and there is also a very deep, sluggish form of life somewhere far below his feet.

No one is coming to get him. No one follows him in his immediate vicinity--the few stragglers hanging around doorsteps and windows don't give him a second glance, or even a first one. The place is crowded, but not busy. Everyone keeps their heads down. The people are all dressed poorly, in rags and robes and bundles that suggest a certain level of consistent poverty all throughout the level. The buildings in these tunnels look man-made, either built from scrap or carved straight out of the rock of the cave, but the majority of the actual roads and cave walls seem to have been formed with very little help from human hands.

The place is lit with lanterns and dirty-looking florescents suspended high above in the cave ceiling. The air is thick and stuffy, the smell of mold and mud prevalent over even the smell of human stagnation. It would not be hard to drag someone off, and he gets the immediate feeling that if he did, it's unlikely that anyone would come looking for them.

What does he do?

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[Tek very, very rarely ever finds anything cute. so when it does somehow manage to happen, it's a little rough on his system.

his eyes get wide and his brow lifts very high. its almost a look of incredulity that would normally lead to some kind of indignant outburst. for a moment there, it nearly looks like Tek is going launch right into berating his ignorant friend there on the street.

he's really just having a hard time handlng how absurdly precious and serious this question is. it's a level of discomfort that almost hurts, somewhere.

at first, all he can really do is look disbeliving and frustrated and lift Tonic's captive hand to sort of clutch it against his chest.]

[when the berating never actually comes, Tonic becomes slowly but increasingly concerned that he has asked some kind of unspeakable question, or said something so stupid as to have caused a malfunction in his friend's otherwise very quick mind. it looks a little like he's broken him.

so with his brows rising to match, Tonic speaks again.]

Are you... going to break that hand...? Because I've worked very hard on it.

[please don't break his hand, friend.]

[attention being brought back to his own lack of useful reaction helps shake Tek out of some of his shock. he closes his eyes for a moment, loosens his grip a bit, and sighs. when he looks at his friend again, it still seems to be with some amount of nebulous frustration, but maybe not aimed directly at him.]

...Yes. Those are clouds.

Okay.

[he nods a little, not sure if he's actually out of the clear here, especially since Tek has yet to give him his hand back. and because... he isn't done. with that same seriousness, he points again towards the darker part of the sky.]

And the big one, too?

[he just... needs to know, okay?]

[if it weren't for the fact that Tek was still hanging onto Tonic's hand, it would be believable that he was quickly losing respect for the man.

he's really just disgusted over how endearing this line of questioning is. they've somehow gone from a habit of complex and high-risk mind-games... to this...]

...Yes. The big one too.

[he takes a slow breath.]

And the wide band of gray behind them as well.

Oh.

[Tonic looks cautiously back up at the sky, eyes widening a little as he comes to an understanding about those strange shapes on the horizon. after standing there for a moment more, he squints, looking at said clouds with disdain.]

I still get nauseous just looking at it. It's horrible.

[it's hard to tell whether he's referring to his nausea or the actual sky.]

[it's not that he's relieved that Tonic doesn't immediately follow with another question about clouds, but he is freed from some of the spell as a result, and that fact is a bit of a relief. he can move on with his life.

he keeps Tonic's hand, but lets it hang between them as he tentatively begins to see if his friend is ready to continue walking. they really haven't gotten far, in the grand scheme of things. there is still so much to see, and Tek is sure there are many more questions to run into.]

I still get that way about the ocean, sometimes. It's not so bad when you enjoy it at the edges of your attention.

[Tonic seems amenable to moving on; he actually twists his hand to hold the other's in return between them, and takes a step all on his own back in the direction of other things. Tek will still have to lead, but he doesn't at all mind the idea of finding something else to fixate on.]

And what is that, dear?

["the ocean", he means, as he's looking directly at Tek with his mismatched eyes for an answer.]

Edited 2019-05-26 19:02 (UTC)

[moving is good. strolling is excellent. but they hardly get more than a few steps into leaving the previous topic behind before they run into a new problem.

Tek glances briefly over at Tonic... and then he looks a second time--now with narrowed eyes. he can't tell if Tonic is being serious or not.

he has a guess that the man is being honest, but he's sort of desperately hoping that he's joking.]

[he knows what that look means. he's starting to feel a little foolish, which is not a very comfortable feeling, so he sighs and looks forward at the road ahead of them.]

Should I stop asking? This seems to be distressing you.

[there is an odd pause there, in which Tonic manages to succeed at something pretty spectacular.

the first phase of this event is the fact that Tek actually realizes that he's maybe not being very nice. it dawns on him that he's making someone else feel bad. it isn't often that he even notices such a thing, let alone gives it any of his attention after the initial realization.

and the part that makes the whole thing almost miraculous is that he actually considers doing something about it.

he does glance of to the side as he mulls it over, as if checking to make sure that no one he knows happens to be standing around nearby, listening in. if he was caught being nice, and it somehow got back to Robin...]

No, no... it isn't that. [which isn't an apology, but it's said as if it's supposed to be one. and the rest comes out strangely, with hesitation. which means that he isn't finding the words for what he wants to say as easily as he does with everything else.] ...I'm just not used to having the urge to find someplace nice where I can sit someone down and describe the wonderful things of the world, or whisk them away on a trip to beautiful places, every time they open their mouth.

[for a moment, Tonic doesn't say anything, because the sudden and very obvious vulnerability being shared between the both of them kind of makes him want to puke.

but he won't leave it for long. he has to be careful. can't let it sit or else everyone will start to get self-conscious. can't answer too fast, though, for fear of offending. so even though he can feel his face getting warmer and the impulse to babble eight different things is strong in his gut, he nods slowly and manages a very even-keel response.]

I'm not... Used to anyone wanting to whisk me away for any reason, but thank you. I think.

[here is where a thank-you seems appropriate. this is where he needs to give something back for what has been very generously given. and something about it seems to lighten his mood, as the good corner of his mouth lifts in a crooked smile, and he glances back over at his friend to give his hand a little squeeze.]

Though I wouldn't be opposed to finding somewhere nice to sit, if you're really so inclined...

[to the average observer, a thank-you might have seemed strange at this point in the conversation. but, it makes sense to Tek, and seems to lighten something about him in the same way it does for Tonic.

half of the reason he'd decided to take the risk and try to say anything at all about what was on his mind was the fact that he trusted Tonic to know what to do with it, or at least know how to be careful in reacting to it. a little careful and gracious handling goes a long way.

and with that, things seem to be a little more clear between them. as they've done with each of their meetings so far, some groundwork has been laid out.

so, Tek is able to match the smile and let his mind shift to a new subject--one that he is far more confident in.]

In that case--flowers or food?

[Tonic knows this game very well, and he and Tek have already gone through the steps a few times over. he learned very quickly not to take shots that aren't necessary, and he has no reason to linger when they've both given equal effort towards being honest. they've both cleared up the things that were causing their discomfort, and may now continue along on an even playing field.

it frees Tonic up enough to laugh, pressing his beautifully-lacquered nails to his chest dramatically.]

My two favorite things? How could you make me choose, darling?

[the real question is, would he feel better or worse with food in his stomach? and what does "flowers" entail, anyway? he also has to tally up the approximate worth of all of these things, because he wants to get the absolute most out of this literal once-in-a-lifetime opportunity as possible.]

Mm, but if I'm to be a true tourist, I think that food is the place to start.

[he remembers saying something like that to Tek, when he showed him around the party that first night they met--no matter who you're leading around, you can't go wrong with food.]

[suddenly having enough social room to breathe again does make him a little giddy, so it's easy to giggle along with Tonic when he plays up the drama.]

Are they your favorite things? I had no idea.

[it's almost as if he has spent time getting to know his friend well enough to be able to choose the two things that would cause him the most effort in the world to choose between. theoretically, it will help keep his mind off of anything that might still be bothering him or causing him anxiety, and will have the biggest payoff at the end.]

Excellent choice. And the walk there is a little longer than the other one, but you'll get to see more of the town.

[if there's no objection, he'll set off for the main street heading away from the square, comfortably arm-in-arm with his date.]

[one advantage of their momentary misunderstanding is that Tonic has now had quite a bit of time to acclimate to the upstairs world... so while he is still hesitant to raise his eyes much higher than the roofs of houses, he seems to be walking without any difficulty, and he's getting better and better at looking around without any involuntary lurching.]

Well, I think that will be worth it all on its own. It doesn't look how I remember it...

[that's another thought that was following him around earlier. and now that they've opened themselves up to this kind of thing a little, he feels it is an appropriate time to mention his first visit. he snugs himself cutely up against Tek's shoulder, idly eyeing his surroundings as they go.]

But I was maybe... fourteen, fifteen. I guess it shouldn't be surprising.

[Tek is more than happy to have an interesting topic of conversation to busy himself with, while a beautiful boy is snuggled up to his side. in the wake of the tension they've just left behind, it all feels extra idyllic.

and as much as he loves teasing the other with his own secrets, it is nice to learn something about Tonic instead of it being the other way around all the time.]

That long ago? How much has changed? [opening the topic up to more than just the answers to these particular questions, of course.]

Oh, well, you know.

[Tonic waves his free hand a little.]

Busier. Louder. Half as many legs.

[he snickers at his own joke, of course, as he usually does when it comes to humor regarding his lack of limbs. he has a more serious answer a moment later, though his whole demeanor seems to have opened up, and he sounds a lot more relaxed than he had during his serious moments before.]

I think that the buildings are a lot more crowded than they used to be. Taller, too. I wonder how much they've cut into the forest since I was here last...

[as far as stupid jokes go, that was a pretty good one. it at least gets a morbid smirk out of him. and the rest is listened to with easy curiosity, while he lets Tonic observe the world around them and he pays more attention to his immediate space. enjoying the companionable closeness where they're bumped up next to each other, stealing glances of his friend now that they're out in stark daylight. checking in with himself now that they've left the previous vulnerabilities behind.

when he adds his own idle thoughts to the conversation, he keeps his voice pleasant and as far from serious or wistful as he can. he's sure they can talk about the past without falling into melancholy--at least for a little while.]

I wouldn't know. But there was a little village near where I grew up... and I was always shocked at how quickly it managed to grow when I wasn't looking.

[ah, this isn't a bad turn of conversation at all. he likes hearing about snippets of Tek's past. it helps him fill in any of his mysterious present.]

Maybe it happens everywhere, then.

[that makes him smile a little, knowing that his experience isn't singular.]

The people still look the way I remember them, though. Quaint and oblivious. [he shades his eyes a little, daring to glance back up at the clouds that are gathering on the horizon.] Maybe the sun makes them soft.

[...well, he'd tried to steer clear of dipping into anything weighty or dark for all of five minutes. it was only a matter of time, really. the temptation to follow Tonic down this avenue is far too great,

he quickly gives up, and he scoffs a little.]

Actually, the opposite is more commonly the case. You'll more often hear people talk about how living and working under the sun will burn and harden a person, and that living in the shade is the easy life. So, it's hardly the fault of the sun.

[he's more suited for this sort of conversation, in all honesty. he nods accusingly toward a woman overloaded with shopping bags and warm, freshly-wrapped loaves from the nearby bakery.]

It's abundance that makes them soft.

[Tonic makes a sound of agreement. as far as he's concerned, the mood is still lightened--especially after hearing his rich, well-traveled friend get right to the heart of the matter. he's always had a hunch that Tek knows more about suffering than he lets on, and his this only encourages that line of thinking.]

See, the thing that bothers me is that those with abundance down below are still very aware that they have much more than the other people around them. For the most part, anyway. You'll occasionally get a spoiled brat or a stuffy dignitary, but...

[he gestures again to the world at large, their houses, their gardens, their paved streets and sunlight and access to whatever food they need.]

Up here, it's almost as though people like me don't exist here. It's a whole other world.

Mm... [he nods, acknowledging Tonic's very valid point, and casually rolls into elaborating on it to support his own point.]

Very true. And it's still because of abundance. These people are rich in the most valuable resource of all... which is freedom.

[the two beautiful, pale specters continue their way down the street, and Tek motions to some tanned, rosy-cheeked stranger at random.]

You can have all the titles and wealth in the world, but if you're still trapped, what does it matter? Up here, even the lowliest citizen has more power than you if they're free to move, make decisions about their lives, and forget that you exist.

[the tale still fits his own story, even if it's mostly a fabricated one. the tragedy of a boy born into objective privilege, but still trapped in the confines forced upon him at birth.]

[this sort of talk should be very depressing. it's the kind of thing that would normally put Tonic into a bitter mood, were he down in his little hole in the ground, cursing the world above. but he's up here right now, walking among them, which makes him feel as though he has somehow--against all odds--tricked them.

he gives the other's arm an affectionate squeeze.] Freedom, hm? It must be nice.

[he gives a somewhat-dramatic sigh and rolls his head to rest on the other's shoulder again while they walk.]

Babe, you never explained to me what that thing was you were talking about.

[it's an objectively depressing subject, but it's also an immensely satisfying one to talk about. so, even though it's one that will bother him to the end of his days, just being able to voice the words out loud to someone who agrees does manage to put a smile on his face.

when Tonic leans on him and nudges the conversation somewhere else, Tek doesn't put the subject away entirely, but he does set it on a shelf for later. they have all day to share their spite about the carefree world that they're currently taking advantage of.]

Hmm? ...Oh, the ocean? You've really never heard of it? [he'll start with the basics, to see if it's just a misunderstanding and Tonic really does recognize it.] Giant body of salt water beyond the land--the kind that is so big that you can't see the opposite shore.

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