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psychoshenanigans2015-07-18 10:26 pm
birdsbirdsbirds) wrote in psychoshenanigans2015-07-18 10:26 pm
Drift Fleet // Dubious Canon
[you know what? not a big fan of getting rained on. some people find this kind of thing romantic, but his light squelching into the entrance of the cave really doesn't set the mood for him. the storm set in so quickly and aggressively that he didn't even get a chance to get back to his ship before the threat of being struck by lightning was suddenly a thing--and he's not really into that, either.
so here he is. a couple of steps in and he's preoccupied with trying to fix his wet-down hair. a couple more steps, and he realizes he's not alone. the observation comes too late, as he's suddenly looking down at someone he hasn't really seen in a long time.]
...Nel?
so here he is. a couple of steps in and he's preoccupied with trying to fix his wet-down hair. a couple more steps, and he realizes he's not alone. the observation comes too late, as he's suddenly looking down at someone he hasn't really seen in a long time.]
...Nel?
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with arms wrapped around drawn-up knees, he doesn't say anything until Robin practically trips over him. he's just kind of staring up with big, startled eyes.]
...Hi.
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[he looks surprised to see him too, absently taking half a step backwards. he glances back out at the rain, too, since he logically knows he should leave. one of his new life philosophies is "don't talk to Nel." he'd been doing a really good job, so far.
but it's wet outside. he doesn't want to go back out there. and he hasn't seen Nel in so long, outside of stupid pictures he only half-wants to look at anyway. when he looks back, he's wondering if maybe it would be okay to just... stay here, be neutral.
after all, his newest life philosophy is "stop getting fucked up over people".]
You're hiding from the rain, right?
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I was, but there are a lot of other ones, probably. I can find a different one.
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[the answer comes pretty quick. awkward as it may be, he knows this for sure:]
I don't think these are like the storms on Nor, but I still don't want you getting picked up into a typhoon or something.
[while Nel isn't looking, Robin checks him over. weight, scars, bruises, piercings. he used to check him over like this all the time. the tattoos are easy to see in person. the whole thing is... too familiar.]
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he probably hasn't been eating or sleeping terribly well, but his weight is still okay. his bruises are all small. aside from the new tattoos and hair color, he has the general appearance of someone who has been coasting. maybe just sitting and waiting around, but at least not falling too hard yet.]
Okay. If you're sure.
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[about that, anyway. despite humoring the thought of staying, seeing Nel is also dredging up a lot of things he knows he's weak against. he can't dissociate from him very well. too many strings.
but who remembers? who's left to get mad at him? Fenris only cares when his own ghosts get too loud. Nel's obviously tried to move on--even if he took a step backwards to do it. the dark marks are what ultimately stick in Robin's gaze, like fishhooks at the end of a tangled line.
so he sits. he pushes his back up against part of the cave wall--not that he had far to go to get there.]
You know, I don't hate you. [he manages to sound pretty casual about it.] I'm not mad at you, or anything. We can both talk like we're friends, and not like this is the single most awkward meeting either of us has had in months.
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he just stares at him for a minute, and it's probably the honesty that gets him to look just a little bit horrified about the whole thing. and it's also the honesty that ultimately makes him buckle under the sheer awkwardness that Robin is talking about--glancing away with an uncomfortable little laugh.
he hunches his shoulders up and rubs his neck. guess he doesn't have to hide how uncomfortable he is now, huh?]
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I know. The whole thing's been pretty weird.
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[and he can unwind enough to shift his posture--sitting back and folding his arms in front of him instead of keeping them wrapped around his knees. it just happens to hide his tattoos a little better, whether that's a conscious intention of his or not.
and there's that kind of pause where he looks like he's going to say something, looking down at the dust and little pebbles on the cave floor, but he never actually comes up with the words, because he still doesn't get it. he never quite understood the situation enough to be able to comment on it now.]
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Do you want to talk about it? I'm not really supposed to talk to you at all, but... [another glance out at the torrential rain.] ...I won't tell if you won't.
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...I don't know what to say.
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That's fair. Are you cold?
[they'll start there. simple questions. easy answers. things that no one is attached to.]
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Just soggy.
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[he'll take it. with his boots (and socks, since he hates wet socks) peeled off his feet, he stares at the floor of the small cave for a moment... before he puts his fingers down and starts drawing circles in the thin layer of grime.
he used to do this all the time. he'd almost forgotten, but the two of them huddled alone in a cold cave against the weather--it gets uncomfortably familiar.]
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So--
[...and that's as far as he gets before he regrets it. it's like the sound of his own voice scares him once it's out there.
there's a big ol' pause where he holds onto the breath, ready to continue it, restlessly moving his fingers on his arm. and, of course, he ultimately second-guesses himself out of whatever it was, changing his mind to something else at the last minute.]
...Do you like this planet?
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Yeah, it's okay. Way better than that ship we got brought to last month.
[he forces the conversation back in another direction, though.]
How's your crew been? Everyone still nice enough?
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[and really, Nel doesn't mind the topic being pushed somewhere else, then... because he'd really rather it not hover around the thought of the bug ship. he doesn't even want to think about that.
the new topic is better... but it doesn't quite receive the same free, immediately-bubbly response that it had in the past. there's a distinct hesiation when he answers, and he's looking off somewhere else when he does. it's all the little, obvious signs that he's barely being truthful.]
And yeah, my crew is still good.
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Nooo, I don't think so. Who is it? Who's the troublemaker?
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he still tries to answer, though.]
No, they're great.
[then he takes a big breath, holds it for a reluctant beat. and eventually lets it sigh out of him like a pained admission.]
It's not them. They're all... nice to me, and they leave me alone... and they're all just... happy and normal, you know...
[and, to his credit, he does manage to sound like these are all the positive things that they should be. it would've sounded perfectly fine to anyone who didn't know him.]
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[the addition comes to him far too easily. the smirk remains on his face. again, they shouldn't be talking about this... or interacting at all. but if he's going to do this, he's going to do it the way he promised himself. he'll either get to where it hurts, or neither of them will hurt at all.]
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on the outside, Nel just looks down at his hands. he picks at his nails and doesn't say a word.]
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he wishes he could help, as always. but he doesn't do that anymore, not the old way. he turns his gaze back out at the storm, watching little flecks of lightning crack on the horizon.]
It's hard, being around normal people... Even when we tell them, they don't really understand. [the 'we' is a risky thing to say, here, but he takes his chances anyway.] It gets hard to just keep smiling all the time.
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[and at first, his voice nearly has a bit of an edge to it, before he catches himself. maybe the fact that he's still looking down at his fingers almost allows him to try and pull up some semblance of a backbone. he's still at least a little buttoned up against the 'we.' but, ultimately, the effort dies early and he drops the tone.]
Nothing else I can do.
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Nah. There's plenty you can do. [said pleasantly as he turns his head, puts his focus back on the thin boy with his stupid tattoos, and waves him in. he wants him to get closer.] Come over here.
[he's changing the game. he can order him around, now.]
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so, despite more uncertainty and hesitation than he's ever shown Robin before, Nel eventually scoots closer. Robin could probably order him around to the ends of the earth, and he'd still listen.]